I read in dog books that dogs were supposed to wait politely for us to go through doors first. Before I met Izzy I thought that was some kind of law. But Izzy didn't read that book and didn't give a damn what it said she always rushed ahead of me. At first I corrected her but after a couple of years I gave up, honestly breaking that rule never hurt us. Looking back at my time with Izzy I realize that there was precious time lost trying to do everything right. She was a wild puppy but I spent too much time trying to control her. Don't get me wrong it isn't like I have a lot of regret. Sharing my life with Izzy was amazing. She could make me laugh and bring light even on my darkest days. I loved her quick and funny little way of thinking. But with Tilly I see myself not worrying about what the books other people wrote say. I spend more time loving her puppy antics and almost no time worrying about what rules other people live by. Having traveled both roads I highly recommend throwing the rule book away. Embrace the fullness of the quirks, the laughter and even the tears.
As I began to realize Izzy's time with me was coming to a close my heart begged her to stay. "Please, please don't leave me" was a mantra I rarely uttered but that rang inside of me with every breath. After she died I looked and looked for signs of her spirit lingering but found nothing. Still my heart kept up the plea that she stay with me. Tonight after dark I headed out to pull the the dog towels off the line. Dusk was with me he was clowning around and even got into the ditch and laid down. I kept a close eye on him in case he got chilled and had trouble. As he stood in the ditch he kept locking eyes with me and I would ask him "What's up Big Guy?" When he was done with the ditch and safely back on land I went for the towels. As I stepped into the shadows heading to the clothes line I saw movement dash by my right side nearly cutting me off. I lurched to avoid stepping on the dog. I looked one way and then the other and there was no dog under foot or anywhere near. Dusk was standing in the light 30 feet away ears up, eyes bright and grinning at me. We locked eyes again and he seemed to be saying "did you see her?" I knew it was Izzy who once again rushed in front of me. Call it a ghost, a memory or a fluke...no dog training book covers this. I realized Izzy had been with me all along and now she has entrusted my care to Tilly. She rushed in front of me her whole life and now finally she rushed on to the rainbow bridge. Another step of letting go...and yes I am embracing it.